My Take on Kayo’s Plunge

As an expat man, I sure wish Kayo was right when she said, ” many expat men, who may not amount to much back home, the ones women didn’t pay attention to, became gods when they arrive in Hong Kong. This town breeds toxic bachelors who don’t need to settle down or be accountable to the women they date because there are unlimited supply of attractive, young women who will throw themselves at them.”  I was totally one of the ones women didn’t pay much attention to back home, but I’m hardly a god in HK.

I’ve been here 4 years, and have definitely had better luck getting dates with attractive women since moving here.  But I’m still single, and not necessarily because “there are unlimited supply of attractive, young women who will throw themselves at” me.  I wish.  I’m a white man, and the myth is that all white men have it easy in Asia because Asian women like white men and we like them back.  Ok, it’s not totally a myth, but like all myths with a little bit of truth to them, reality is more complicated.

There are in fact a fair number of HK Chinese women who prefer to date white men.  Generally, these women like us because we are perceived as either more masculine, or wealthier, than HK men. The ones that like us because of our perceived masculinity prefer alpha males.  And I’m not an alpha male.  The ones who prefer us because of our perceived wealth like rich guys (naturally).  And I’m not rich.  Then there’s the fact that the vast majority of HK Chinese women prefer HK Chinese men.  And I’m not Chinese.  Hardly a dating paradise for a guy like me, particularly considering that many of the cultural characteristics of the typical HK Chinese woman are not qualities I find endearing (let’s just say that if shopping is your favorite leisure activity, we’re not gonna get along).  Of course, there are women who like white men for other reasons, and I’ve found a few…but…

Before I get too into feeling sorry for myself (or inadvertently admitting that I’m a “toxic bachelor”), let me say that I think the local men have it worse.  Kayo’s statement that most HK women are seeking “suitable husbands who will buy them a house and look after them” is a generalization with a lot of truth to it.  There’s not really anything wrong with women wanting that, but I think the end result is pretty hard on the men in this town, and it’s bad for the culture.  Women in HK seem to prefer a much higher income to IQ ratio than women in the West.  As evidence of this, I submit the insanely high number of magazines about watches, and the insanely low number of magazines about current events or anything thoughtful but not financial, available at HK bookstores.  (An obviously expensive watch is what biologists refer to as an “honest signal” of a high income to IQ ratio.)  I may have attracted fewer women back in the US, but the ones I attracted appreciated me for the things I like about myself.  Here, not so much.

Most everything a single straight man does is geared toward either attracting women or satisfying some addictive impulse (and often both).  So if all women want is “a suitable husband who will buy them a house and look after them,” millions of men will look for the shortest route to becoming that type of man.  And that type of man is an uncreative, emasculated, miserable middle-manager who forces his underlings to do pointless shit, kisses up to his many bosses, and is terrified to take risks.  So if you’re looking for an explanation for HK’s shitty art/music scene (for a world city, it’s pretty bad) blame the women who consider the starving artist type undateable.

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2 thoughts on “My Take on Kayo’s Plunge

  1. Good point, I am in the same boat! On one occasion, a woman who had approached me in a bar, and that had been chatting with me for over 30 minutes, actually walked off when I said I worked for a charity. On another occasion,
    my potential as a ‘good’ father and husband was questioned because of my chosen career path and finances as opposed to my character, ethics and capacity for showing love and affection.

  2. Pingback: Plunge, retake | Whimsical Weltschmerz

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